Thursday, February 25, 2010


I just read yet another chick lit book about the woes of women being in their late 20s and turning 30...blah blah blabbity blah BLAH.

Give.  Me.  A.  Break.  

Really?  REALLY?  You're worried about turning 30?  Are you JOKING?

I'm tired of reading books and blogs that talk about how turning 30 (or being in your mid-30s) is such a bad thing - the "Boo I'm not married" or "I have no kids" or "It's just me and my fucking cat".  


Guess what?  We all AGE.  We all get older.  Some of us choose to get older gracefully, while others go on a shitstorm rampage and fuck it up for the rest of us that are doing the graceful thing.  

I'm not one of those women.

I've decided to start a(nother) blog - and this one I'm not going to put on "private" mode.  This one will be open for all to see, read, and comment on.  This blog will be a blog about the musings of a 40 (something) year old.

BTW, I still get carded.  

Are you 40 or on your way to/in your 4th decade?  How do YOU feel?  

Do tell. 


  1. Ha! Yeah. What Minx said.

    Truthfully, almost everything about my 30's was great. They was better than my 20's, which were better than my teens!

    Now I'm 41 (and yes, still get carded). So far the only thing I can tell that's happened is that I get less hits on my online dating profile. Apparently many men filter their results for 39 & under, but whatever, it's their loss (and honestly, I filter out those old men, too, so I suppose it's fair.) I countered this by adding to my profile that I'm attracted to younger men, and I'm still getting plenty of replies from men of all ages, including many very thoughtful ones from men who are truly too inappropriately young for me. Does this make me a cougar? I'm thinking not, since I don't actually accept dates with the babies.

    In some ways, I think there are certain legitimate challenges to being a woman in her 30's, particularly if you want children and haven't found a suitable partner for them. The problem with dating men in their 20's and 30's, is they're still thinking "I have 10-20 years before I have to think about having kids," but your female biology doesn't agree. This fact gets more pronounced when you get close to 40. I was never fully in the yes-kids or no-kids camp, so my late 30's definitely brought about some soul-searching about that issue. That's not an easy question, but probing it revealed some really potent things about myself to me.

    And...with 40 comes...liberation!

    I chose to let 40 mark an important place in my development: the place where I let go of vanity as a driving factor in my sense of self, and instead turned into the places that really matter.

    You can't stop aging. You can't even fight it gracefully. Women who allow their looks and youth to define them are setting themselves up for sorrow. Because the truth is, youthful looks fade. There it is. If that's all you've relied on to feel good about yourself, your 40's are going to be a bummer. There is no denying that, regardless of how youthful I may still look compared to my actual age, my skin isn't like it was 10 years ago. And no cosmetic or procedure is going to ever bring it back.

    Instead of letting this freak me out, I'm seeing this as a reminder to grow my beauty from the inside. And who I am on the inside just keeps getting better all the time. I know myself better now. I know my friends better now. I make enough money to lead a lifestyle that suits me, I'm established in a career that I worked hard for and love, and I have enough free time to pursue anything that interests me. And lots of things interest me!

    (Your character limit made me cut this reply; this is the first half; second half to follow.)

  2. (This is the 2nd half of my reply; longer than your original post! Ha. Maybe I'll start my own 40-something blog.)

    'm grateful to have a body that seems to work pretty much as well now as it did years ago. I'm sure some of that is luck and genetics, but it's also because of choices I have made throughout my life and continue to make now. I'm as active as I ever was, and in some ways, even more fit now. And when I'm out doing those active things, I see women and men of all ages, many way older than me, still doing those things too. They're on the trail, wearing backpacks, traveling foreign roads, in the gym and yoga class, everywhere. I choose to keep honoring my body, and believe it will keep taking me everywhere I desire to go. And that's a lot of places.

    So is 40 worse than 30? Does it all go downhill from here? Well, I just don't see it. I like who I am with all of those years behind me, and plenty left to look forward to, too. I'm grateful for all of the 41 years of experiences I've already had, and wouldn't undo any of them to go back and be 30 (or 20) again. I've enjoyed every age I've been.

    I was recently soaking at the Hot House (a little all-woman's spa), and shared the hot tub with a large african american woman, who was shining with peace and contentment, a sweet smile on her face. She told me it was her 50th birthday, and when I asked her how that was for her, she just laughed a slow, gentile laugh, and said "honey, it just keeps getting better. Just wait. You'll see. It just keeps getting better." I believe her :-)

  3. Here here - you're both inspiring! While I miss some of the energy and metabolism I had in past decades, each one is definitely better than the one before mentally and emotionally. And god knows turning 40 last year was amazing, thanks to all of you :)